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John Wesley Mills
December 12, 1983-February 6, 1984
The Lord works in wonderful ways...Thanks to Valerie Lundberg I have the words to the poem that was read at John's funeral....Thanks
a ton Valerie.
Do not stand by my grave and weep.
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am a diamond glint on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle Autumn rain.
When you awake in the morning hush,
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circling flight.
I am the soft star shine at night.
Do not stand by my grave and cry.
I am not there ...... I did not die
This page is in loving memory of my son, John Wesley Mills. He came to us on a cold winter morning in 1983 and left us on
a colder winter morning in February of 1984. John was born in Odessa Medical Center in Odessa Texas and weighed in at 6 lbs
and 15 oz. He was a wonderful baby that seldom cried and always seemed very happy. After Lisa, my first born, John was like
having a first baby. Lisa was sick a bit when she was an infant, so caring for a healthy baby seemed to be a breeze. John
was just getting to the point of holding his head up on his own..but he did have a wonderful laugh and a gorgeous smile.
I shall never forget the night he left to go to the Father. That night will be forever etched in my memory as if it were
only yesterday, although it will soon be 17 years.
I had to get ready for work, I worked the night shift at a local restaurant.
My then husband was feeding John his meal of sweet potatoes and hawaiian delight (his two favorite foods). I will never forget
how hard we laughed when John balled up his fist and let out a howl if Randy did not get the food to his mouth fast enough.
That would be the last time I was to see my son alive.
Around 2 a.m. on the morning of the 6th of February I came home.
It was a slow night at work so I was cut early. On the way home I had stopped at a supermarket to pick up a couple of steaks
and some more formula and diapers for the baby. When I got home, Randy was asleep on the couch and the television was blaring
away (very typical of him). I remember tuning into the PTL Club and then putting the groceries away. I then went into the
living room, which also served as my bedroom and the baby's room, as we had 6 kids and lived in a 2 bedroom trailer. I remember
looking down on John and thinking something didn't seem right. I also remember picking him up and realizing that he was dead.
What I do not remember is whether I dropped him into his bassinet or whether or not I placed him there..but I do remember
screaming as I have never screamed before or since. The rest of the morning went by in a blurry slow motion way. The doctor's
telling us they could not save him..the phone call to my grandmother..the ride to my mom's house..all are blurry memories.
Planning the funeral was extremely difficult...a parent is NOT supposed to bury her own right? I was fine till it came to
picking out his casket, I never imagined them being so small. I picked out a baby blue casket and then went home.
Later
that evening, at the funeral home, I held my son for the very last time. There was a rocker in the viewing room and I picked
him up out of the casket, sat down in the chair and sang him a lullaby for the very last time. After he was placed back in
the casket by the funeral director (I could not do this myself), I placed his teddy bear in there with him and that was the
last I saw of him.
His funeral was on the 7th of February, graveside and closed casket. The preacher, Brother Butch from
the First Nazerene Church in Odessa, proceeded over the service. His wife sang a beautiful song, the title escapes me, and
then read a beautiful poem, of which I would give an eye's tooth to find a copy of... the name of the poem was "Do not
stand by my grave and weep"
Although he has been gone these 17 years, I still miss him terribly and weep for him
on his birthday and the anniversary of his death. I also celebrate his life by holding him in my heart.
The greatest
tribute by far was when my daughter Peggi gave her son the middle name of Wesley, after his long gone, but never forgotten
uncle
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My First Christmas In Heaven
I see the countless Christmas trees around the world below
With tiny lights,
like Heaven's stars, reflecting on the snow
The sight is so spectacular, please wipe away the tear
For I am spending
Christmas with Jesus Christ this year.
I hear the many Christmas songs that people hold so dear
But the sounds
of music can't compare with the Christmas choir up here.
I have no words to tell you, the joy their voices bring,
For it is beyond description, to hear the angels sing.
I know how much you miss me, I see the pain inside your heart
But I am not so far away, We really aren't apart.
So be happy for me, dear ones, You know I hold you dear.
And
be glad I'm spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year.
I sent you each a special gift, from my heavenly home
above.
I sent you each a memory of my undying love.
After all, love is a gift more precious than pure gold.
It
was always most important in the stories Jesus told.
Please love and keep each other, as my Father said to do.
For
I can't count the blessing or love he has for each of you.
So have a Merry Christmas and wipe away that tear
Remember,
I am spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year.
This poem was written by a 13 year old boy who died
of a brain tumor that he had battled four years. He died on December 14, 1997. He gave this to his mom before he died. His
name was Ben.
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